A confused woman came
to a theologian and shared what her pastor had taught the previous week
about the “swoon” theory of Christ’s death and resurrection. He told her
Jesus was alive after his ordeal because after his suffering, his disciples
rescued him from the tomb and nursed him back to health.
"Here is what I want you to do," the theologian responded, “Keep your
pastor up for a full two days, then beat him severely. Tear out his hair and
pummel him with rods and your firsts. Then have him scourged with a whip
embedded with glass, bone, and metal until the flesh is torn from his back,
thighs, and buttocks and his organs and ribs are exposed. Then, beat him
again with rods. Make sure there is a large loss of blood. Afterwards, force
a crown of thorns onto his head, making sure they bear deep into his brow
and scalp until they scrape his skull. Then make him carry a heavy wooden
cross through his city, up a hill, and then crucify him. Nail his arms and
legs in such a way to make it hard for him to breath. Drop him on his cross
into the three-foot hole, then have him hang there for nine to ten hours
under the blazing sun. Wait until he appears to die from asphyxiation, then,
ram a spear into his abdomen. After he has gone through that, ask him if
Jesus really died and rose again from the dead."
The "swoon" theory was popular in the late 1800's, but it was still found as recently as the mid-1990's when used as the premise for the film The Last Temptation of Christ. Simply stated this theory contends that Jesus did not die on the cross, but that he passed out. The soldiers thought he was dead, but he was not. He was placed in the tomb, but he later either escaped on his own or was helped to escape by others. He then went around and appeared to others implying he had been raised from the dead.
The swoon theorists an inconsistent about whether this deception was
deliberate or if Jesus simply thought he had been raised from the dead.
Some have even claimed that the guards were paid off to take him down from
the cross, while he was still alive, to fake a resurrection.